I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
