Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk walkin through police station. America
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
