just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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