sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
