I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
