The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
