I hate all girls vehemently.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
