My sheets look like a crime scene.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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