so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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