dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
