No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
