Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
