i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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