So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
