It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
