yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
