don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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