Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
