Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
