bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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