yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
