Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
