Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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