I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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