I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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