i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
