i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
