Michael Bay diarrhea
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
