she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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