Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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