my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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