Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
