I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
