We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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