The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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