i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
