I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
