Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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