I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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