I accidentally burped into my bong.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
