you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
