is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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