I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
