I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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