fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
