i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
