maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
