i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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