Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
did i just pee glitter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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