... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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