We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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