You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
