I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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