I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
